Right now, we’re in the phase where I think he is still kicking himself for his relapse. We went to a speaker meeting and he was all bitter about anyone who piped up about an anniversary that didn’t meet his rule of 30, 60, 90, 6 months, and year. God forbid you mention you were 11 months sober or 14 months sober. My husband, apparently the self-appointed Miss Manners of AA, has decided that is a no-no.
Plus, he seems to be doing the thing where he acts cold to me, but then I think he feels kind of guilty so he tries to give me this smile to suggest that he’s not being cold. But then he’ll be cold again. It gets a little irritating on this end. I want to be here for him, but I also recognize my limits. I’m not an alcoholic. Apparently, that makes me a “normie” in the vernacular of tonight’s speaker. So if you’re pissy about something, call another alcoholic. I doubt playing your NHL Hockey game on the PS3 by yourself in the basement is going to do much for you. But, what do I know?
On the bright side, when he does kick off a new streak of sobriety, he cleans the house like a maniac. The house and the yard look fantastic.
soberfishwife 
November 12th, 2011 at 10:59 pm
We often joke that the only “normal” thing in our household is the setting on our dryer… (Of course, we do hope that at least some of our kids turn out to be “normies,” but I digress.)
You are very astute with your observations about B… A person on Day Two could focus his energy more productively than scoffing at people celebrating ANY anniversary of longer than two days, and the PS3 is likely not the tool that will help him work himself to a better place. (However, I won’t say a word against the house-cleaning! Though it’s even better if accompanied by some mental/emotional/spiritual house-cleaning as well.) I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, am I?
Members of our home group sometimes talk about the difference between Sobriety and “so-dry-ety,” meaning that alcohol is merely a symptom of our wonky wiring, and that “not drinking” isn’t enough to address our underlying problems if we aren’t also working a Program. When my husband & I sobered up last time, really stick-a-fork-in-us-DONE, we hit more than 50 meetings in our first two weeks. That was us desperately wanting to be Sober. I don’t mean to present that as a standard of “usual” behavior (and we had the advantage, if you will, of getting sober at holiday-time when there were “marathons” of meetings going on) but I do know that, at least for us, isolation of any kind is a red-flag warning…
And I’m hesitating at my keyboard now… Knowing (as you do too) that no one can make B WANT to be done if he’s not there already, and not wanting to sound like an Eeyore or add to your already overburdened stress-load by sharing thoughts about possibilities that are less than upbeat. But after a few minutes’ thought, I’ll leave what I already wrote. Whatever happens today or tomorrow with B, there’s YOU to consider. We’ll hope that B is considering you, we know that God’s got your back–and YOU need to take care of yourself too, okay? Hugs & prayers!